10.16.2009

Okay everyone. I've decided to start a blog. At first I was thinking it was very cliche' and quite honestly - douchey - if that's even a word. But if you know me at all then you know what I'm talking about. Also, before we get too far into this whole "thing" please remember I'm not some literary genius nor do I claim to be. Fuck punctuation. It takes every ounce of energy just to use caps when it is necessary - so if you think I'm going to worry about commas, periods, semi-colons, and fucking ampersands you have another thing coming. If you can't figure out what I'm saying then please stop reading this b/c you are probably on the same level as most of the shit that I'll be talking about on here and quite frankly I don't want you here anyway. Also, my thoughts may be scattered and out of order. Again, I hope most of you who care to waste your time reading this shit will take the time to "piece" things together. Maybe even get a chuckle or 2. Believe me my thoughts aren't too goddamn complex. Oh yea - there will probably a liberal use of swear words throughout my day to day or week to week thoughts - again, if you don't like it you know how to turn your computer off - i hope. Thanks for at least checking this out-I'm glad I at least peaked your interest.
I also want to let you know that this probably won't be a daily thing - not that you would be running to your desktop or laptop everyday just to read my thoughts. Just don't expect too much - hell, I don't even know if ANYONE will read this shit.
Why has Scott decided to start a blog? This is something you may have asked your already. Well I've realized that not a day can go by where something or someone irritates the living shit out of me. It might be something on TV or something that happens while I'm driving - it might very well be the dipshit next to me in line at the grocery store who decides to actually pull out a check book and write a check using a feather and a bottle of ink to dip it in. (No I've never actually seen that happen but if it did it would happen in front of me) or the wannabe octomom with a pack of spoiled hyena demon seed running around irritating everyone within a 5 mile radius. Which reminds me - to all the mom's out there - when your kids run around acting like they just blew a line of coke and people give you that little smile as if to say how cute - what they really want to do is pull you aside and shake the shit out of you and tell you the "time out" method doesn't work - as a matter of fact it works about as well as your birth control methods -and your kids are a prime example. They're not cute - they're horrible. Just b/c they drive you fucking crazy when you're at home w/ them doesn't mean its socially acceptable for you to bring them out into the public so they can annoy me to the point of putting a gun in my mouth. That's why I DON'T HAVE ANY!!! Just b/c Jon and Kate tell you to have a litter of devil spawn doesn't mean you have to. I promise.
I'd like to say - before I go any further that when I talk shit about kids/children I don't mean your kids specifically. I'm talking about the spoiled, shitty, selfish, undisciplined dipshits whose parents should've been sterilized before those little disasters happened kids. And since everyone thinks they are the greatest parents ever and their kids are so precious no one should be offended. :) Perfect. Onward.
So at this point I would like to remind anyone who has made it this far in my new literary adventure that you can stop reading at any time. I know I may sound angry and pessimistic - maybe I am but let me tell you I already feel better sharing this w/ anyone who is willing to listen. So if you're still on board - thank you very much. It's appreciated more than you know.
Okay - here is the "situation" I encountered today that made me decide to start this blog. It's not ground breaking or legendary by any means and you might even think it's a stupid fucking story. I don't give a shit. Ok, here goes....
I was on my way home today, felt hungry, and decided to hit a little food joint by the name of Qdoba. I'm assuming everyone knows about Qdoba - if you don't you can check out their website. Then again if you are THAT into this story you may want to venture into some sort of hobby or craft. Something. Seriously. Ok, so I'm in line at Qdoba and there is a mom in front of me - I know this b/c she was ordering food like she was organizing a Red Cross food drop in the middle of Somalia. So she orders 37 burritos, 19 quesadillas, and some other shit that probably could've fed most of Detroits homeless. I'm waiting patiently - and I honestly have no problem doing so. As I'm waiting she proceeds to ask if she can get a quesadilla for her 2 year old and then asks the fucking high school kid behind the counter if he "would recommend" that for a 2 year old. What the fuck? She actually asked this kid if he recommended that shit for her 2 year old. Just to clarify - the quesadillas at the Q are the size of man hole covers. I understand the kid probably wouldn't eat the whole thing - but thats beyond the point - I've heard of 2 year olds eating jello, pudding, maybe some type of smashed up veggie - honestly I don't really fucking know WHAT 2 year olds eat - I'm not a 2 year old nutrition expert but I do know something your 2 year old should eat ---- NOT A SUPERSIZED FUCKING QUESADILLA FROM QDOBA YOU STUPID BITCH.
If you read this first entry and you liked it - I'm excited. If you didn't like it and you find it very offensive well I just have to ask why you read the whole thing. You should've been able to tell from the beginning it wasn't going to turn into the disney fairytale you expect everything else to turn into.
I don't know the logistics of this blog thing - so if there is a "comments" section or something similar please feel free to indulge me. Thanks for reading. Hopefully there will be more to come.